I am a church secretary, and have worked at my church office for years. When I first started, I felt so positive and excited about getting to serve God in the church, that I even took a significant pay cut. After a while I began to see that the pastors were sometimes rude, and that made me feel disappointed. However, I realize that they are human just like anyone else. But, it made me feel like the love they preached about was not practiced in their real life. Like
The real problem I have now is that I feel so dry spiritually. I have considered that maybe I am not meant to stay in my job. I definitely heard God call me in, but have not heard God call me out. How can I get back to feeling fresh and positive again? How can I renew my zeal for God in an authentic way? I just feel so tired and mean inside sometimes.
Let me encourage you by saying that you are not alone. I have not known one person in the ministry (including myself), who has not experienced what you are experiencing.
As you have seen, the ministry can be a hard, tiring, uninspiring, and thankless job. Most people (like yourself) enter the ministry filled with strength and optimism, but over time, the trials and tribulations of the job can drain all that strength away. Is this a bad thing? Or does this mean God is leading you out of the ministry? Or does this mean you are not fit for the ministry? Not necessarily.
| 2 Cor 12:7 | Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong |
You may be at the end of your rope, but God isn't. Now you may think, "What good is an empty vessel; what good is a broken tool?" We need to remember that we serve a complex and miraculous God. And it may not be possible for us to judge what are "good" or "bad" circumstances. Remember Job?
| Matt 19:26 | But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." |
| Rom 8:28 | And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. |
So why does God allow you to become discouraged and weak? (Let's go a little deeper for a moment.) Could it be that God is looking to do a major work in your life? The type of growth I am talking about is rarely taught from the pulpit these days. It is the type of lesson where God will lead someone through a long valley, where others really can't help. It is a time where you become a person of faith, not just a person who exercises faith. Here is a quote from Oswald Chambers that touches on the subject:
Now on to some practical answers: As far as rude pastors go, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. One, pastors are usually gifted in (among other things) leadership and exhortation, which they need to sustain the congregation. These same pastors though will often have weaknesses which accompany strong leaders; such as being insensitive, rude, or antagonistic. However, God always provides other workers who are gifted in love and kindness, but who are typically very weak in leadership. In a perfectly functioning church, all the needs are met by those gifted in meeting those needs. Sadly though, the pastors are usually tasked with meeting every need, including those they may not be gifted in.
Are these pastors then living in hypocrisy? Not necessarily. They are most likely just being weak. Even Paul said, "For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if many pastors think, "O wretched man that I am? who will deliver me from this body of death", when they preach
So, how can you deal with your disappointment?
| 1Pet 4:7-10 | 7 | But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. |
| 8 | And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins." | |
| 9 | Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. | |
| 10 | As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. |
Love them. Pray for them. Forgive them. Give them grace. Encourage them. Strengthen them. Don't look up to them, but lift them up to the Lord. Don't (for lack of a better word) glom on to them or depend on them, but rather, depend on the Lord.
As far as sacrificing your good paying job for the Lord, I know it can be very disappointing when you put yourself on the line and it really doesn't seem to be working out. I have walked into many sacrifices hoping for some spiritual experience (joy, peace, closeness to God), only to walk away broke, tired, stepped on, (and really ticked off). We need to remember God gives us what He wants for us, which often isn't what we expect. However, I can now safely say I am very thankful for every thing God has led me through. And I always try to remember that Jesus promises us future blessings in heaven.
| Matt 19:28-29 | 28 | So Jesus said to them, "Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. |
| 29 | And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life." |
It is really easy to make the mistake of thinking of the ministry as a mini heaven; like "I am going to be with my Christian friends all day, praying with those I love every day, listening to Christian music all day; it will be heaven". However, going into the ministry is (literally) going to the front lines of a spiritual war. Sometimes just having this perspective can spare us from shock and disappointment.
| 2Cor 1:8-10 | 8 | For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. |
| 9 | Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, | |
| 10 | who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, |
Also, there is nothing wrong with quitting your job in the ministry to get a job in the world. I have known people who go in the ministry, then out of the ministry, and then back in again as circumstances have changed. There are many factors to be weighed when making decisions about working in the ministry: financial, family, time, ability, grace, the will of God, etc. However, not having a good time in the ministry is not necessarily a good reason (in and of itself) to leave the ministry. If this was the case, then Paul and Peter and even Jesus would have left the ministry. However, God is not a slave driver and He is very gracious. He knows if you need a break.
| Matt 11:28-30 | 28 | "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. |
| 29 | Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. | |
| 30 | For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." |
These are BIG subjects, and the decisions you make are truly between you and the Lord. But don't be too concerned, Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you in whatever decision you make. Neither will God be foiled or stumbled by your decisions. If God was able to use Jonah, then God can certainly work in your life.
| Prov 3:5-6 | 5 | Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; |
| 6 | In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. |
| Php 4:6-7 | 6 | Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; |
| 7 | and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. |
I do hope this answer helps set your mind in the right direction.
God Bless
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